Our daughter Jane died from SUDEP & possibly from ours and her ignorance. Nearly half of all SUDEP deaths are avoidable. Stay Alive - Read On.

Saturday, 9 June 2012

Why am i here?

I was lying awake at 5am this morning, unable to sleep - I guess the nerves were beginning to sink in - wondering to myself how am I here? Why am I doing this today?
It seems that in all the chaos of preparation for this weekend in training, fundraising, and organisation, I'd forgotten what I was actually undertaking to be here and it's true meaning to me.

This is my second Tri, in fact it's my second Blenheim Triathlon. I took part 3 years ago to raise money for Epilepsy Action and successfully managed to convince my wonderful friends and family out of just over £1000.
I loved the event, I loved the location, I loved the support from the wonderful crowds - 'come on Hancock!' they shouted as I ran around in a freebie film promo t-shirt my sister had swiped for me in her days at Zavvi.
I distinctly remember writing the justgiving page for the event. I originally wrote a line of text saying that although Jane had to live with Epilepsy, it had always been mild, and always would be mild. It would never ruin her life. How completely and utterley wrong I was. SUDEP has done exactly that. That's how unaware I was.
I was originally supposed to be taking part for fun for my second attempt last year, 2011, on the weekend of her 25th birthday.
Just 6 weeks before, on 18th April 2011, I was sitting in a sunny park in Dublin with Jane. She was so excited to be able to see me 'compete'. She explained how proud she'd been of me, and how gutted she'd been to miss me the first time as she was travelling in Romania. We were going to go out for celebratory birthday drinks after the tri, it was going to be a mega weekend.
On the 19th April 2011 Jane died. She never got to see me take part, and now she never will.
This, today, is for my wonderful, kind, excitable, enigmatic, gorgeous, funny, witty, supportive & completely irreplaceable little sister. I miss her so much. This is ForJane.
Big Love Sis xx

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