Our daughter Jane died from SUDEP & possibly from ours and her ignorance. Nearly half of all SUDEP deaths are avoidable. Stay Alive - Read On.

Saturday, 10 March 2012

From Grief to Group Hugs

Grief is a very personal thing.   Some people internalise: others act.  Some share their feelings openly others go right inside themselves. Such grief as this is life-changing,  For oursleves we feel we have aged.  No longer do feelings of youth and gay abandon feel our province.  Yes we laugh and yes we smile, but things happen, often trivial things, and we get caught by raw emotion, very raw emotion.  Something happened today, a letter in the post and I cried like crazy.

At the beginning, a year ago when we first heard the news over the telephone, that cry of anguish by my better half heralded a new world, one we did not want to inhabit.  But we are stuck with it.  We will live with it.  A major adopted goal being to stop others being in this world.

But first you have to find a solution to grief.

While grief is personal, in such a case as this there are many people who are grieving.  My Dad died a few years ago, and one thing I remember my dad saying was he wanted to die and that most of not all of his friends had died before him.  He died aged 91.  That's sad but fine.  He had a good life and at the very last his body was failing.

Jane died aged just 24.  As a gregarious person she had a large number of friends, all of whom are grieving.  So as parents we decided we needed to search out their grieving.  We could have simply concentrated on our own.  But to do so, for us, would have trivialised their feelings.

And so we  have attempted to share our feelings.  Not easy of course.  Arguably the most common phrase uttered during the early days after her death were "there are no words".  And that is right because there are none.

Each person goes through their own anguish.

But each individual anguish is echoed by others.

We have found one solution we can recommend.  The Group Hug.  Whoever is around hugs as a group of people.  In a group hug nothng needs be said, just a shared anguish felt.

At the end of Jane's funeral we had a group hug.  It seemed so natural, and in the pain of the moment it felt, it was just right.

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